Some days I wake up and I love life. I think everything will eventually be ok. All things work out, blah blah blah. Some days I want to scream at everyone. I am talking about EVERYONE around me. I sit here and think, who do I really trust? Rely on and know that I can go to them about anything and know they will talk a good talk with me. I search my heart and sould and know that I can talk to nobody.
I am 26 years old. That is it. I am already to where I just don't want to deal with negativity because I have so much bubbling up from within I almost can't stand it. My mother is two faced beyond belief. She tells other people how much she loves her children and all this other bullshit, but she lies. She told me to my face I was never allowed to move back in. You know, like if I had trouble and I needed somewhere to go? Nope don't go to her. But since she defended my father for smacking the shit out of me for telling him to shut up, I really don't give a fuck what she has to say anyways. Yeah, and the time I threw ice (just ice, no water) on my brother and he choke slammed me and she defended him too. "Well he went to Iraq so he is going to have some issues with anger." Oh, I am sure the police would have agreed with you......what the fuck ever.
So I have always felt this calling. I am to suffer in this life. I understand that. I accept that I have to work to be happy. Ok, but now what? Which direction do I go? I am so lost and I feel like I am wasting time. Wasting a gift. I want to be at one with myself or whatever, but I feel like I have so much other crap hanging on me. Hell, I don't even allow myself to cry anymore.
I really wish I knew someone who did readings or was a psychic or something. That could give me a little guidance or some shit. Everyone is pushing me to get a job or something, and it's not feeling right. Something is wrong and I don't know what it is.
Ah, phooey.
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Forgive me, i'm not sure who you are in the group. but i'm 29, i've felt the same way most my life. my mom always take my brothers side( he's violent too), i'm always the baddie, even though i'm not. But anycase, i know how you feel. Like your meant to suffer. Like no matter how hard you try you fail. If you need to talk email me.
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