The merits of being a chameleon:

If you had asked me in high school, I would have told you I was a misfit. I was that girl on the outskirts of everything that wanted to fit in, but just really didn't. Don't get me wrong... I had friends. Meghan and Lisa and I were inseparable pretty much from day one. As a trio, we surrounded ourselves with anyone who wanted to hang out. I can't speak for them, but I was certainly happy enough with whichever crowd of people we happened to attract that day. We were friends with the cheerleaders and jocks, the junkies, the preps and the posers. Many people would have called us the posers, I suppose.

We were also joiners. Myself, perhaps, more than the others: I was in Student Council, TREND, JAM and History Club, just to name a few. I also worked on sets and props for the Drama Club and was on the school paper (sophomore year) and yearbook staff (senior year). Senior year I was also a teacher's aide. To say I was a suck-up or a goody goody is putting it a bit mildly, if you want the truth.

I also worked while I was in high school. As soon as I turned 16 I put in an application at the movie theater that my family went to weekly. I handed the application directly to the general manager. He took me into the office for an interview and hired me on the spot. I started just a few days later behind the concession stand. After a few short months, they started training me in the box office and as an usher as well. Pretty soon, I was able to fill any spot they needed other than bartender (yeah, we had a bar... we were just that cool) or manager. Some of the managers even let me do parts of their jobs from time to time.

In college I guess you could say I mellowed out a bit. You'd be wrong, but you could say that.... I went away to school and moved into a suite-style dorm with a total of 8 other girls. Two of my suite-mates, Mindy and Jenny, were in a local sorority (Zeta Delta Tau). If you've been paying attention at all, you'll know that I wanted to become a Zeta too. Within days of being dropped off in a strange town, I had surrounded myself with a new group of friends that were both like and unlike the friends that I was used to. Zeta was the misfit group of the Greek system. We didn't fit the stereotype (either in looks or in bubbly personalities) and we didn't care. We were very active on the Campus Activities Board (the Student Council of the college set) and we had quite a social life with just about all of the fraternities on campus. We also did a lot of charity work (mostly for the American Diabetes Association).

I still visited Meg and Lisa on most weekends (they were at a school 3 hours away) which is when I met my husband (that's a story for another time).

I also still worked at the theater when I went home on breaks. Management had changed in my first year of college so I was, once more, the misfit. I did my best to blend in and was soon surrounded by a third group of friends. The theater friends were a rowdy bunch. We liked to party a lot and mostly hung out at Sean's house (Sean being one of the managers at the theater). One of our favorite party activities included getting completely wasted and watching old Muppet Show episodes.

At some point, the theater friends and some of the high school friends merged a bit. I don't remember which group initiated it but eventually we all wound up being part of the "cast" for The Rocky Horror Picture Show at the dollar show. I was prop-master, though they did occasionally have me stand in for Janet or Columbia in a couple scenes. We always went to Steak-N-Shake afterward (we tried Denny's but they were not very group friendly at the time) and generally a good time was had by all.

The point of all of this rambling, you might ask? In looking back at my life, I finally figured out that I was never a misfit at all. I was a chameleon... still am, actually. I want so badly to be included that I twist myself in order to fit into whatever group I happen to set my sights on.

Even as little as two months ago I thought that the real me was buried somewhere deep inside, never to be seen or heard from again. Now I believe that the real me is whatever you think I am, at least in part. I am a partier and a Mom... a hard-worker and an easy-going lazy sot... a conservative Catholic and free thinker... in bookworld I am a brat, a plastic pirate, a freak and a chatter.

I am all of these things.

I am me.